In Which an Author Reviews Her Works

It's been nearly a decade since the release of The Trace (2017), the first book of my YA sci-fi trilogy. I remember when the book first released, how my husband came home from work and found me sitting on the couch in awe, reading my own book and grinning. 

​Now, I must bluntly inform you that I do not crack open The Trace unless necessity demands. Oh, the things I would have done differently.

How it all began

The Trace was my first book, and if you have never written a book from start to finish, then you cannot comprehend my meaning when I say Writing a book is difficult. If you are a new writer and you're realizing this truth with some dismay, let me reassure you that I've now written 5 complete books and one collection of short stories, and here's what I have concluded after my near-decade of being a full-time writer: Writing a book is difficult. You, my new writer friend, are in good company.

The Trace first came to my imagination when I was 14 years old, about to start high school. At its heart, the story belongs to a girl who finds things like superpowers, secret government organizations, and teen romance to be the most fabulous concepts to have ever been conceived. I first started drafting in 2011, when I was 19 years old and a freshman in college. I'm so glad that I recall with vivid clarity exactly how it all began. I was in Astronomy class, mulling over my recent date with Nathan, my first-ever real boyfriend. We'd sat on the floor of Barnes & Noble, next to the CDs, and I'd told him about my idea of a girl who gets her memories wiped. Here's what he said back:

"Why don't you write it?"

So, in Astronomy class the following week, I picked up my pen and wrote, The first thing that hit me was the smell.

It wasn't my first attempt at writing a book. I'd started several in high school, and completed one. My original goal had been to go to FSU film school and become a screenwriter. So, storytelling wasn't a foreign concept to me. That didn't mean I knew what I was doing.

To give credit where it's due (and after acknowledging that I owe all my intellect and creativity to God's own genius), I did have a knack for it. I had a feel for pacing, for character establishment and motives, for setting the scene, for subtext and foreshadowing. Where I struggled (and continue to struggle) was with direction. I pantsed the heck out of that first rough draft and wound up with bloated story without much plot, other than the fact that Ella had to win the soccer tournament! Yikes.

It took me five years to turn The Trace into the story it is now. I went through many drafts--and I mean, complete overhaul. Starting from scratch. Reworking everything. I made so many mistakes; and, while of course I wish I hadn't erred, I would have learned nothing had I not. So I can't really regret those five years of hair-pulling. 

The Trace released when I was 26 years old, twelve years after the idea first came to me. My mother-in-law was dying. I'll never forget standing next to her in hospice, seeing the "IT'S LIVE!" emails from my publisher, wanting to celebrate but not knowing how when death and sorrow were ever before me. I did not dedicate The Trace to my mother-in-law, but I did dedicate it to her son, who first encouraged me to write it. I hope that makes her happy.

The Trace

*Warning: my Whitewashed reviews contain spoilers!*

Over the years, I've learned that it's unhealthy to cringe so vehemently over my debut novel. And so, while I write the following words with a good deal of self-deprecation, know that it's good-natured. 

Dear Ella: WE UNDERSTAND THAT KARA HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED. 

So concerned was I with establishing character motivation that I over-established it. I remember re-reading The Trace once and wishing that Ella would stop reminding everybody that her best friend had been kidnapped by Grifters, and it was Ella's duty to save her, because she felt guilty, because Kara's kidnapping was her fault, because the Grifters only kidnapped her to get to Ella, so Ella was going to save Kara, who'd been kidnapped, because--

I could've trimmed 8k words by addressing that issue alone.

Next we have what I call the Young Adult Trappings. There's a cute boy with hair falling into his eyes. There's a Mean Girl with Icy Eyes who hates our MC for no apparent reason. Teen angst waits around every corner. Why is Vires so saucy? Why is Koleman such a jerk?

On the one hand, it's a YA book. Those trappings make the genre. That's what 19-year-old me thought, at least. But 19-year-old me had been raised on a diet of modern YA books and had little interest in anything published before 2000. By the time I was 26 and working on Book 2, I'd matured both emotionally and intellectually and already couldn't stand the angst of The Trace. If I could change just one thing about the book, I'd make all the characters more mature. They can still be teens without having to be so teen-y.

I prefer slow pacing both in reading and writing, so I can't objectively comment there, but I know the pacing gets attacked. Should it have taken Ella seven chapters to leave her hometown and start the Hero's Journey? I'd wanted to fully establish her home life, her friendship with Kara, the fact that something strange is happening, but I probably over-established it and could have heavily trimmed the beginning.

Originally, my plot for The Trace was essentially "Ella's memory was wiped and everyone at the MTA is dropping clues." As the greater story took on flesh, the memory-wiping became less prevalent, until I removed most of the super obvious hints. (Ethan even tells her, in one draft.) But I'm not satisfied with the balance I reached and think the book would have been stronger if there was more emphasis on Why are all the cadets acting so strange around me? rather than less. I was afraid of making the twist too obvious, but what I wound up with is a reveal that wasn't properly or satisfyingly set-up.

Because of the memory-wiping, I always viewed this story as a sequel, which means I left some things intentionally vague because those things were already established in the "first" book. The Ella+Kyle Watson backstory, for example. I wanted The Trace to feel like it was missing something. In hindsight, that was pretty stupid of me to attempt as a debut author who has absolutely no ground on which to stand. Why should any reader trust that I knew what I was doing? Some reviewers complain that the story feels incomplete, and I don't blame them.

Lastly, the cliffhanger ending. I couldn't see any way around it, based on the a-chronological telling of the story, but I admit that cliffhangers are extremely irritating and generally considered to be a cheap writing tactic. 

​OH! No, the worst part of this book is when Ella stumbles into the Society meeting by way of chimney and some puzzle hatch thing. I loathe all of that very much.

In conclusion:

The Trace is bloated with Ella's internal monologue and suffers from immature writing that shows itself in the characters' behaviors. Things are overly-explained to the point of slowing the pacing and offending the reader's intelligence. The foreshadowing is not properly set-up, and, with the abrupt ending and some poorly fleshed-out beats, The Trace feels incomplete. Which, in truth, it is. The Trace doesn't work as a standalone story, and that's its biggest flaw. Or is that what makes the story unique? You tell me, because I can't make up my mind.

The Integer

By the time I queried Evolved Publishing in 2016, I'd already written all three books. Since I'm so bad at finding my own stories, this was absolutely essential for me, as I was able to see the overarching plan and make the needed adjustments to The Trace.

But, 26-year-old me hated Integer's draft, which I'd begun writing when I was still in college, so I wrote a whole new version that eliminated a lot of the aforementioned angst. It's still present, but some of the YA Trappings were lifted due to my newly acquired aversion to them. Additionally, I was a bit better at the whole "writing a book" thing, so my style matures between Trace and Integer. Readers noticed the difference and commented on it, which is nice, but also confusing, given that Integer takes place before Trace, meaning Ella is younger and should be even more immature. Alas.

My biggest beef with The Integer is the pacing. The bits at SPO-10 go on waaaaaaay too long. Ella and Ethan are there for 6 months, and boy does it feel like it. You have my slow-burn-friendship fascination to thank for that. 

The training stuff bores me. If I were a YA reader, I'd gloss over all those training sequences. I always strive for realism with my writing, so I didn't want Ella to transition from clutz to adequate too quickly. All the same, given the massive amount of YA literature with training montages, I could've cut mine down. The YA reader has seen it in a thousand other books.

The Integer also suffers from too much of Ella's internal dialoguing, her thoughts and feelings about everything. It's unsubtle, and it adds way too many words.

I'm pretty happy with the character development in this book. The Integer is where all the idiosyncrasies of the cadets finally make sense. I view The Integer as a book that's mostly about setting up character arcs that culminate in the final book. That is very likely boring to some readers who would've preferred a more action-heavy middle book.  

I also really grew to love Ethan in this book. Unfortunately, I didn't have a full grasp on his character until I wrote that new draft after The Trace released, so there are some Ethan moments in the first book that I regret because, after getting to know him better, I don't think he would've responded that way.

In conclusion:

The Integer, while of better quality than its predecessor, still suffers from bloated, long-winded writing that could have been tightened to make the story stronger, cleaner, and more sophisticated. Additionally, it is character-heavy more than plot-heavy, with a strong emphasis on slow-build tension, so it might be a DNF for readers who just want the plot to kick in. Oh, and the fact that it's 90% a flashback is pretty jarring, so that could be another deal breaker. You will either love this book or hate it.

The Anamnesis

This was the book I was wanting to write from the beginning. As with The Integer, I'd had a complete draft of Anamnesis that ended up getting entirely re-written. To date, it's the fastest I've ever completed a draft. I think it only took 6 months?

The biggest thing I struggled to solve was what to do with Jimmy. I was very sure he had to die. He did die, in the first draft. I remember going for a walk on the trail near my house, praying for guidance on how to free the Tacemus without killing Jimmy, because now I was attached and wanted him to live.

This is my favorite of the trilogy, and it's the book I'm the most emotionally attached to. At this point, I don't think of it as my best or most important book, but it is the one most precious to me. I could not wait to write the reveal that Jimmy was actually a clone of Eugene Andrews; that One was, genetically, Jimmy's twin brother. I loved exploring the relationship between the original Eugene & Emmett in the flashback chapter. And all the cadets' arcs! Dutiful Ethan grappling with the fact that he's been serving a psychopath all his life, a man he admired as a father figure. (FYI, Jimmy's jealousy of Ethan was rooted in the fact that Leader loved Ethan and not him).

Haughty Vires gets humbled; insecure James rises to the occasion; timid Bridget is the first to join Operation Whitewash; Lydia finally gets an apology from Durgan. There were so many characters to deal with, and I'm so happy they each got their moment.

The pacing is pretty action-forward for a long time, so I don't have any complaints there. Sure, there are a few slower spots in the middle, but they don't last long, and they provide a reprieve from all the go-go-go commotion. 

By this time, I was 28 years old and knew I needed to pull back on Ella's emotionalizing (wait, is this a word?), so, while I did have to keep her a certain way in order to be true to her character, I do believe she's less angsty come Book 3, with fewer moments of repetitive inner monologuing. 

The only thing I regret about this book is the use of stun guns. I know they're established in sci-fi, but their usage felt cheap and convenient. I needed Evil Jimmy/Andrews to take down everyone fighting at Orbis, but I didn't want him to kill them all, so... stun guns. This allowed for a quiet showdown between only Ella and Andrews, and it provided the tension of worrying about whether people were alive or dead, but I wish I'd thought of something less hamfisted. 


In conclusion:

The Anamnesis wraps up lose threads, completes character arcs, provides plenty of emotional punches, and is (hopefully) a thought provoking look at a few complicated themes, including: what to do when the enemy you've been fighting is actually yourself. I love how the story concludes. If I had to re-read one book from the trilogy, it would be this one.

Memento

While not a novel, I'm still including this 11-story collection. My analysis is brief. There are a couple stories I find on the duller side (Seven, Benefaction--because the boring obstacle course sequence), but I really enjoyed fleshing out the side characters and having the opportunity to shed light on some backstories that I wasn't able to give weight to in the trilogy.

In conclusion:

Memento is a fun read with some stories that are surprisingly poignant (Hijo, Noticed) that should satisfy the reader who's hungry for more of the Whitewash universe.

Iron Heart of Terlian

The funny thing about this book is, I thought it was terrible for so long. It was my first dip into fantasy, and it suffered from my horrendous outlining abilities (or lack thereof); thus, it took from 2019-2022 before I finally understood the story I wanted to tell. First it was about a babysitter. Then about an evil villainess. Read this blog post to see IHOT's transformation. 

By the time I got IHOT into shape around 2023, I was so weary of the story that I figured everyone else would be weary too. Quite the contrary. My beta readers like this more than my Whitewashed trilogy. For purely emotional & nostalgic reasons, I can't agree, but I do believe that this is objectively a better book than all three of my trilogy.

It's too soon to have any serious beef with this story. I love Violet's reserved nature, rooted in pride, though she can't even see it. Since I'm currently working on the sequel, I get excited when I think about how the things I set up in IHOT are coming to light in BWOJ (title not yet revealed!).

In conclusion:

I love this story! Do I think it's the best story I've ever written? No, that honor goes to a certain Other Story which I am not yet at liberty to reveal. That story is my best, I think, and also my favorite (I think). But IHOT is my second-best, and third-favorite, following after Other Story and The Anamnesis.

For future consideration

Other Story is my fifth completed novel, which I will discuss when I can! I'm also writing the sequel to IHOT, which is about 80% finished and was ahead of its predecessor for a long time, in terms of favoritism, but lately I've been irritated with the story, so I don't love it as much. I'm definitely at the I-am-so-tired-of-working-on-this-story stage, but I know that I'll love the story again once it's finally complete.

My other WIP is 22 chapters in, an adult fantasy story about sirens. That one might become my favorite, if it turns out at all the way I hope it will. 

And that, reader, is my long-winded breakdown of my published works. If you've read them, I'd love to hear your rankings!